Over two months ago, I shared about a rare condition I was diagnosed with this summer (God is NOT a Jerk). Since sharing, I have been in constant communication with my doctor to find the right mix of medication to treat the symptoms of the condition. If I am being honest, this summer has been extremely long and hard. There have been a lot of days that I have felt downright awful – sometimes due to the condition and other times due to the harsh medications I was taking to treat the symptoms of the condition.
I truly believe my thoughts and words hold power. So I have dug deeper into scripture, and found verses to proclaim health and healing over my life. All summer, I have been speaking these verses (and many more) over my life daily.
Jeremiah 30:17 says “I will restore you to health and heal your wounds…”
Psalm 30:2 says this in the Passion Translation “O Lord, my healing God,
I cried out for a miracle and you healed me!”
Psalm 41: 2-3 says this in the Passion Translation “The Lord will preserve and protect them. They’ll be honored and esteemed while their enemies are defeated. When they are sick, God will restore them, lying upon their bed of suffering. He will raise them up again and restore them back to health.
When I left the doctor’s office after getting bad news, or when I was dealing with symptoms that scared me, I would tell fear to leave. I would remind myself that I had nothing to fear because of who Jesus is. Two of my favorites that I have spoken over and over again are:
Isaiah 41:10 says “So do not fear, I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 43:2 says “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”
During this season, Habakkuk has become one of my favorite books of the Bible. The book tells the story of a frustrated prophet who was totally confused by the nation he was living in. He didn’t understand why evil thrived and why God seemed to remain strangely silent. I can relate to that feeling. On my darkest days, I have asked God hard questions. Why isn’t the healing promised in scripture coming? Why do I have to deal with this new rare condition? Why aren’t the medications working? Those are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the questions God and I have talked about this summer and, honestly, I didn’t feel like I was getting many answers. So I tried to do what Habakkuk did when he wasn’t getting many answers.
Instead of letting his frustration turn to bitterness, Habakkuk channeled his frustration into prayers and eventually praise to God. So I have been working to do the same. In the midst of all of my hard questions, I have been actively working to turn my worry into praise. I have praised God for the small victories. I have thanked Him for good doctors who are on my side. I have thanked him for the family and friends who have checked in on me, prayed for me and supported me this summer. Most of all, I have praised Him for the healing I knew was coming.
This past weekend I attended the 2nd annual Moms in the Making conference. It was such a sweet weekend. I was so excited to connect with so many of my “internet friends” and was even more excited to see what God had in store for me. During the opening session, my friend Jessica Satterfield (from Grace While We Wait) spoke. I have heard her speak before so I knew her message was going to be straight from the Father’s heart.
Jessica shared the importance of pulling lies out of our hearts and replacing them with truth. As I listened to my friend speak, I honestly didn’t think I was believing any lies. Instead of simply moving on, I asked the Holy Spirit to bring to light any lies I was believing. I wanted to uproot any thoughts that were sneaking around pretending to be truth.
And that’s when it hit me… I was believing that my healing would take a long time. Like Habakkuk, I had cried out to God and asked the hard questions. However, I had mistaken what I perceived as silence as God saying “Hold on, this is going to take me awhile.” It’s not that I thought He couldn’t heal me, it’s that I thought I needed to wait.
When Habakkuk asked God how long would He allow this mess to continue? God did respond. Habakkuk 2:2-3 says this:
“Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablet so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”
I have said before this verse confuses me. It feels like such a contradiction. First it says “though it linger” and then it says “it will not delay”. Linger means “to stay in a place longer than necessary” and “won’t delay” means the complete opposite! So how can something both linger and not delay at the same time? I feel this verse is a reminder for our hearts. It says that even though we feel like the things God has promised us are taking forever, those things are actually coming right at the exact moment that God intended.
This verse has encouraged me so much in my wait to be a Mommy. This verse promises there is a time for everything. My babies will be born for “such a time as this”, exactly when God planned for them to be born. God has used this verse time and time again to remind me waiting isn’t an ugly word. However, I have also used this verse out of context.
I believed I was going to be healed. Even more than that, I believed that I was walking in truth. What I didn’t realize, I had twisted that truth to allow myself to live in disbelief. I had allowed myself to believe that EVERY miracle and EVERY promise is something we have to wait for. What if I stopped believing that my healing was something I had to wait for, and started to believe that my healing is here? What if I choose to walk in healing today?
I wish this blog was ending by me saying that all of my symptoms have stopped, and the doctors have confirmed there is no evidence of disease, however that isn’t the case. In the natural, I still have symptoms of the rare condition, but it doesn’t matter. I believe I left the Moms in the Making conference completely healed. In the natural, it looks impossible that my healing is here, however I know what my God said. He said I am healed. It’s my choice to walk in that healing. Habakkuk 3:17-19 says this in the Christian Standard Bible:
“Though the fig tree does not bud and there is no fruit on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though the flocks disappear from the pen and there are no herds in the stalls, yet I will celebrate in the Lord; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation! The Lord my Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like those of a deer and enables me to walk on mountain heights!
Several years ago, I saw a Broadway show in Chicago and I fell in love with it. A few years ago, when the same show came to Springfield, I was so excited to purchase tickets. I remember sitting in the auditorium before the show started so excited for what I was about to see. I knew how the story ended, but it didn’t matter, I was so excited to watch it play out.
There is no better way to explain how I feel about my current situation. I know God’s thoughts and plan for me are good. I know His promises never fail. I know His heart is healing, and I do not have to wait for it. I know victory is mine. The stage has been set, and I am now waiting for the show to begin. His Word says I AM healed. His word says I AM a mother. Here’s the best part, the Bible doesn’t just promise that I am healed and I will be a mother. The Bible promises restoration.
Joel 2:25-32 says this “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten – the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm – my great army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed. Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be shamed.
One of the most powerful things that was said at the Moms in the Making conference is this: the enemy is lurking around trying to kill, steal and destroy, however our God is the opposite. He is bringing life, restoring and building up. Every time the enemy has stolen from me, he thinks he has won. However, what he has actually done, is set me up for a greater blessing from Jesus. Big restoration is coming. I will let that hope fill me up and I will not be overcome.