In the Fall of 2016, I felt like God was asking me to step out of my comfort zone. I vividly remember talking to a friend on the phone and telling her that I wasn’t sure what God was asking me to do. I asked her to pray for wisdom and direction and she simply responded with “Sure, I will pray, but what about writing?” I quickly told her that I didn’t have anything to write about and shut the conversation down.
After that call, the idea of writing began to pop up more and more. So a few months later, I apologized and asked the same friend if she really thought I could write a blog. She immediately said “yes!” I told her I wasn’t sure. She encouraged me and told me she would continue to pray for me.
After that conversation, blogging came up so much in conversation with this particular friend that we started joking about “the blog I would never write”. One night in February 2017, we were actually talking about potential names for “the blog I would never write”, and I felt God say “Do you trust me?”
Now, on any normal day if you ask me if I trust God, my answer will always be a resounding YES. However, if I am being completely honest, that night when God asked me if I trusted Him, I was a little more hesitant. I remember thinking to myself, “I trust you God, but I don’t have anything to write about, and no one would want to read my words anyways.”
A few short weeks after that conversation, we learned we were pregnant with Lil Bit and my dream to write really began to grow. (Lil Bit’s Story) I have been journaling for years, however during my pregnancy with Lil Bit I wrote more. I fell in love with words, and I used them to process the journey we were taking. I still wasn’t convinced that anyone would want to read my words, but the desire to get them out grew more and more with each day. After we miscarried Lil Bit, I found my social media posts getting wordier, but I still wasn’t convinced I was supposed to write a blog.
In July 2017, WordPress was having a sale. On a complete whim, I asked Dan if he was okay with me setting up a page, and without blinking an eye, Dan said “Yes, Do it!” After several hours, and several “are you sure God?” prayers, on July 28, 2017 my first blog was posted. (Letting Go and Dreaming of Living Borderless) I remember waking up on July 29, shocked that people had actually read my words!
I am almost embarrassed to admit that it took me over 6 months to recognize that God wanted me to share my story. I am even more embarrassed to admit, that a year later, I am still surprised to see that people actually read what I write. I’m only half kidding there! I know that sounds really self depreciating, but it’s easy to believe the lie that my story isn’t meaningful.
Recently, I was reading the Parable of the Sower. This parable is found in Matthew 13:1-23, Mark 4:1-20 and Luke 8:15. All three authors tell the parable a little differently, but the heart of the story is the same. A sower is out planting seeds. Some of his seeds fall on the path with no soil, some on rocky ground with little soil, some on soil that contained thorns and some on good healthy soil. Of course, only the seeds that fell on good healthy soil grew to produce beautiful strong plants that could withstand the storm.
Every time I have read this parable before, I imagine myself as the soil. It always convicts me to make sure my heart is full of good healthy soil were the word of the Lord could take root and grow healthy fruit. However, recently, I began to think more about the sower. The bible doesn’t tell us much about the sower, so let me take some creative liberties here. In my mind, I imagine this sower is planting seeds because that is what he has been called to do. The sower loves his job, and he knows he isn’t called to tend to the soil, he is simply called to plant the seeds.
When I sit down to write, I don’t know the heart of my readers. I don’t know if my words will take root or if they will just float around a minute in someone’s mind and not mean much. All I know is the Father has asked me to write. Is it easy? Not always. It’s actually incredibly difficult to open my heart. There are times I would rather hide. On the hard days, those words the Father whispered to my heart so many months ago come back “Do you trust me?” and I remind myself why I am writing. Is it rewarding? Always. It’s healing, it helps me grow and it stretches me. I don’t have millions of readers, but I have learned it’s not about the number of views or readers. This past year has taught me that the hard work of sowing seeds it well worth one beautiful plant.
So today, as I celebrate my blogiversary, I want to encourage you. If God is asking you “Do you trust me?” don’t hesitate! Step out of your comfort zone and do the thing that you are afraid of. Trust that as you walk in faith, and sow the seeds the Father has asked you to… He will take care of the rest. Here’s the beautiful thing, sowing seeds ALWAYS leads to beautiful plants.
I also want to thank you for taking the time to read my words. Thank you for being part of my story. Thank you for following along, laughing with me, crying with me and growing with me. Even if this is the first time you have stopped by, thank you. I appreciate YOU.
PS – To celebrate my first blogiversary, I am hosting a giveaway on my Instagram! Go check it out before August 5, 2018 to join in all the fun!