In our journey to become parents, Dan and I have heard a lot of negative things:
- Getting pregnant will be hard.
- PCOS will wreak havoc on your body forever.
- You will never get pregnant without fertility drugs.
- Your chances of having another ectopic pregnancy are high.
- Couples who lose children, have hard marriages.
The list could go on and on and on. After our first lost, I found myself speaking several of those negative things out loud:
- My body will never be right. It’s broken.
- I will never be fertile.
- I will never conquer PCOS.
- I will never be happy again.
- We will never hear good news.
However, I have since learned that our words have power. The Message translation says this in Proverbs 18:20-21:
“Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach; good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest. Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.”
I grew up in the church, and have probably heard a million times that our tongues are powerful, however it wasn’t until after we lost our first baby that I realized how powerful our words can be. I realized when I speak negative words, it is nearly impossible to be positive. If I always focus on what is wrong, what is ugly and what dark… I will always miss what is right, beautiful and full of light.
With that in mind, I have worked hard to speak life over our fertility journey. I have dropped the “nevers” and work hard to speak scripture and life over my body:
- I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
- By His stripes, I am healed. (Isaiah 53:5)
- He gives the childless couple a family (Psalm 113:9)
- There will be no miscarriages or infertility in your land (Exodus 23:26)
We aren’t infertile, my body is not broken, and the Lord will bless us with children. Of course I am not a pro at this, but when it comes to our journey with fertility, I feel like I have come leaps and bounds in my words.
However, over the last few weeks, I have realized that although I have improved at speaking life over our fertility, I am not always the best about speaking life in general. Things I have said lately:
- We will never get out of debt.
- A specific situation will never change.
- I will never be anything but stressed this time of year.
- Dan will never beat the level of his game.
Okay, so that last one was a joke! However, the truth is still there. I have really felt the Lord speaking to my heart about changing my perspective and start speaking life in all areas of my life, not just my fertility.
So, what is the best way to start speaking life?
First, I dig into scripture.
When I think we will never get out of debt, I first remind myself that we are making wise choices with the money we are given. Then I remind myself that Philippians 4:19 promises the Lord will provide for ALL our needs. Ephesians 3:20 promises the Lord will do more than I can imagine in my wildest dreams!
When I feel like a specific situation will never change, I remind myself Ecclesiastes 3 promises there is a time for everything.
When I am overwhelmed by the amount of stress I am feeling, I remind myself Isaiah 26:3 promised the Lord will give me peace when I remain steadfast in Him.
Second, when I am trying to speak life – I practice gratitude. It can be really hard to find things to be thankful for when you are feeling negative. I have shared how sometimes I have to start simple and then build to the bigger things. (You can read more here.) I have learned that it is nearly impossible to be thankful and negative at the same time. So when I am struggling to speak life, I make a list of things I am grateful for. Sometimes the list is simple, and not super eloquent. However, my perspective always changes when I choose gratitude.
Third, when I just can’t let go of my negative attitude towards a situation. I choose to pray blessings over the situation for 30 days. I make a conscious effort each day to pray something good. I tend to be a pretty sarcastic person, but I challenge myself to push through the sarcasm and pray real blessings over the situation. Praying blessings goes beyond being thankful. When I am thankful, I am focusing on what exists, however when I choose to pray blessings it pushes me to speak life! Usually, I don’t even make it 5 days before my perspective changes!
Although I was joking about saying “Dan will never win his game”, what would happen if instead of saying he would never win, I started encouraging him? Again, the game is a funny example, but what would happen if I started speaking life over all those around me? If I took the focus off myself, and started encouraging those around me maybe I would find it easier to speak life in my own life?
I am still a work in progress. There are days I lay my head down on the pillow and realize I did nothing but speak death over my life and the lives of those around me all day. I still get caught up in the ugly, and let it pull me down. It’s on those days, that I find myself asking the Lord for forgiveness. John 1:16 promises that we will receive grace upon grace.
As we start another week, I encourage you to try to speak life in your situation, whatever it may be. Find a scripture to hang on to; maybe make a list of the things you have to be grateful for; or maybe choose to pray blessings over those situations. I challenge you to stop saying “never” and work to change your perspective!